Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
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The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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