The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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