Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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