Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
