goodnight i made you a song goodbye
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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