new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
