i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
