I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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