I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
