Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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