dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
