in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
