the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
