Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think my fart just growled at me.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
