when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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