i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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