I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize