What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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