Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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