Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
