He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
