Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize