I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
