All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
