i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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