they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
