we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
