I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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