It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
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Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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