I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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