Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
This is my gift to your gina
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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