I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
