DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
