you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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