You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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