i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
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Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
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I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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