This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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