I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
