I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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