Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
