Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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