so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
