I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
