i think my mom watched the whole time
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
