This is not my ceiling
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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