Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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