i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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