If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
