when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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