This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
