I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
