you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
