Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
