I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
