Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
