Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
