Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
