And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
