I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
