She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
