I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize