Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
