**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
