My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
