You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
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