I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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