He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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