Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
