She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
