I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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