well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
