Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
